i joined the ranks...

As we rounded the bend in the road just before Hau'ula, a paralyzing fear crept over me.

Faintly, I could hear three other conversations going on. Brad, my mom, and my sister were all calling people telling them I was going into labor. I turned to look at Brad and said, "I'm on my way to the hospital to experience the worst physical pain human kind is acquainted with. What are you all so happy about?" Stunned, Brad hung up his phone and tried to say something nice. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes at him and didn't talk to anyone again for a long time.

Nine hours later I had my fists up in the air, and I was chanting "I did it! I did it!". The labor and delivery wasn't near as bad as the fear of the unknown that preceded it. I'm glad I didn't even think about it all until I was on my way to the hospital.

The night after I gave birth, the nurses wheeled Kaci in to sleep next to me. After a long day of attempting to nurse Kaci unsuccessfully, I fell asleep staring at her. A few hours later, I woke to the tiny cry of an infant. I laid there and smiled, relishing in the sound of my daughter. I sat up, no one else got up to bring her to me. No one else heard her. No one else was awake.

I made a few painful attempts to roll out of bed before I finally scooted off the edge and waddled over to my baby. I gently picked her up and started to soothe her. We were alone, just me and my baby. At that moment, I felt different. I thought differently. I saw differently. In that moment, I became a mother.